I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
