I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
