if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
