I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
