Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
