If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
