I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I could have mohawked her pubes.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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