My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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