I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
