my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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