Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
