turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
