i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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