The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
We just shotgunned beers for America
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
