My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
