Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
