I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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