Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
