Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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