I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
