there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
