Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
