I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize