bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
