So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
