Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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