I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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