so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
