Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
