i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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