someone get that fucking seahorse.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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