I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize