Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
