I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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