I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
