I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Randomize
