Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
