Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
