I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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