Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
