Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
