Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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