in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
