Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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