I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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