she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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