im having a threesome with these popsicles
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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