Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
