You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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