We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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