i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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