if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize