But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
