you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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