I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
