I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
