Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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