If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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