somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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