so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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