Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
