I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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