I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
