So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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