Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize