This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
