Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
