I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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