she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
