I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
