sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
