i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
