remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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