I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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