loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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