it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
