Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
