I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
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