billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Randomize
