so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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