I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Randomize
