guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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