alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
