Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
