Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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