Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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