Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
