i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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