Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I need to calm my uterus...
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
