i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
