I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
